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| My ghost of a shell |
I think we all get to this concentrated and clogged point where we stop talking and go inward. We escape to the inner self to heal. We run within hoping we can get skip the storm of pain and emptiness. We try to decorate our inner homes with positive memories we hold to, holding them close reminding ourselves good things still happen on the outside just not right now and we hold on some more. We extend hope a few more lengths. The problem becomes when we live in our inner homes to the point we never come out. Where we don't trust outsiders with white coats, or friends who say they care. It's becomes our only world. Our only internal existence. there are many days of pain, depression and anxiety that I endured on a couch or laying on a bed exscaping to my inner world replaying old memories, thoughts, good and bad, replaying songs or old movies. It was bits and pieces jumbled up together. I know this may not make sense to some but I can get lost in my mind for hours or days to escape pain. Especially the deep seeded bone pain, heart wrenching, teeth curling body and joint pain, migraines and knots of muscles and tendons mashed together in a solid mass. It makes sense that anyone would want to find a way out. Anyone would want to find an escape route. Anyone would search for an end. So often we meet people who seem like they are a walking Zombie, not connected or interacting. They may seem aloof, depressed, angry or even mean with scowls on their faces. But what are they escaping? Stress, pain, loss,... We often stay away when someone acts like this not knowing what to do. I have no magic potion or formula.
I can just say, Listen. Be around, be available, be open, be kind, and just listen. Because when someone feels you're genuine they will come out of their inner world in time as they see you are trustworthy and reliable. That you are like everyone else who sizes them up in one look or assumes myths. You're just there to listen nothing more and nothing less. I heard a quote say once "are you listening to reply or are you listening to the person". We inner worldly beings know the difference because we people watch for entertainment but also to protect ourselves. We are always on high alert. I can always tell when someone is really listening to me as a person and when they're doing it out of duty or to look good or because that's what you're suppose to do. Just be honest and real. It always shines through.
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| Help Me Find the Light |
